switching selves, and group dynamics

Actually this was meant to be a colored photo, but B&W probably suits the overall tone of this would-be post.

This recent period was fraught with challenges. Sometimes I wonder if I had mismanaged my team, and if I was ever the right person to lead; this task proved rather tricky once the going got tough. It is, a recreational club. Nobody is paid; we are here governed by good will or bounded by a sense of commitment.

An economist would put it this way: people are driven by incentives. Why should anyone give up their holiday, their time, going out of the way to do something they are not even paid for? I would for personal reasons, and the trouble with this is that perhaps I felt that the people I lead should align themselves to a similar cause. And then I came to realize that people place a different value on things, or work for that matter. The things I had loved doing, I had put on hold. I hardly get to attend outings. Late nights and fleeting weekends for something I had committed myself to. It was frustrating, honestly, to see non-reciprocation.

Someone once said I was uptight; perhaps there is that grain of truth embedded in that honest comment. I wished I could joke around and hang out with the peeps but in actuality, it does not get the job done. Fluffy feathers and nice never gets it done; resolve and some ass kicking does. I’ve always pride myself in knowing what fits best in a given context, and that inadvertently rubs people the wrong way, especially when they never ever had a reason (career, monetary rewards) to stay. So yea I switch selves pretty well, but it doesn’t earn me brownie points.

At the end of the day, all things shall pass. I’ll come to terms and let go. I do not know how I would characterize this last year in varsity, but I am hopeful.

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